still, i spill

I want you to come over

and I want to lay on your chest

feel the movement of my head, up and down

your rhythmic breath

I want to feel your support and your unwavering love

what a team.

I want to bottle all of your love up and drink it whenever I feel lost and alone

which is always,

sometimes.

But then I want to soak you up quickly

and pour you back in, seal the lid tight

honeysuckle lick

because I don’t want you smothering me

always,

no.

I don’t want you here all the time

just for some of it –

sometimes I don’t like your smell

and

I’ll never give myself up completely

yet,

I love you with all my being

you are what I was silently wishing for

but I still don’t love you enough

a sad mystery

an unfair song

and

we both know it –

you deserve so much more than this.

Soon, you’ll be gone forever

and sometimes

no –

often

I’ll wish that you would come over

so that I could collapse on your soft chest

but by then

you won’t,

beautiful soul.

Why would you?

(I was lucky to keep you this long)